RIP Gregg Jevin

Twitter is alive today with tributes pouring in for late, great comedian and musician Gregg Jevin. This is a huge blow to every single one of his 200 fans, myself included. The man was an inspiration, and his loss creates a very huge hole in the world that can only be filled with the Polyfilla of sadness.

Although highly respected as a stand-up, his best work, in my opinion, was the 1976 sitcom that he wrote, directed, starred in and wrote the theme tune for – “Not Without My Uncle” – which was woefully underappreciated, even though its catchphrase “Two tickets to Benidorm, mother” has entered greater pop culture consciousness. I will always remember my favourite episode, where Jevin bought himself a crocodile and how he used it to badger his ever-suffering wife and cousin. When his wife discovers that the “long-lost Shakespeare play” was actually written by the crocodile, I was in tears. It was a truly moving moment in its hilarity.

Of course, the 1979 spin-off “But My Aunt Can Stay At Home” was less well-received, and I’ll admit it wasn’t the best. It did have its moments though, even if most of the jokes revolved around him somehow keeping his aunt locked in a basement. But I think many people missed the subtle satire of modern society of the time, something that Jevin was increasingly trying to raise awareness of. After all, who in the 70s didn’t own a printing press that kept breaking down on them at inopportune moments, such as when the vicar came to stay?

During the 80s, his comedy did less well, and he focused on his musical career instead. His best album is, of course, the 1983 comedy album “Biscuit Cake”, featuring such hits as “Not Without My Uncle Theme Tune”, “Don’t Count Your Bacon”, “Be My Shirley Bassey Balloon Maker” and “Not Without My Uncle Theme Tune (Shep Pettibone Remix)”. His comedy albums were hugely successful, but his attempts at creating a more serious collection of songs weren’t as popular. In particular, his 1986 disco record “Fever Space” proved fatal: everyone who listened to the album in its entirety died under mysterious circumstances. The album was recalled, but the damage was done, and Gregg Jevin’s career suffered immensely.

My own personal memory of Gregg Jevin came from when he turned up at a school disco I attended in 1998, where he handed out oranges to all the kids before leading everyone in a rousing rendition of the Macarena. He then disappeared into the night like Batman. I will always remember that night, especially when I discovered he was later arrested for handing out LSD-laced oranges to schoolchildren. The things I experienced that night changed my life forever.

So to hear of his death I am deeply saddened. The man was an inspiration, and the world of comedy musicians will never be the same before or since. RIP Gregg Jevin, you big ol’ imaginary bastard.

Cupid's Got A Lot To Answer For

So Valentine’s Day has yet again come and gone, leaving in its wake a rubbish pile of red and pink heart shaped boxes and cards, ready to be thrown out for another year. Restaurants are currently counting their increased profits while their workers are breathing a sigh of relief that it’s over for another year.

There are many things wrong with Valentine’s Day, all of which I observed through people’s comments on Twitter, Facebook and various blogs, but it boils down to two camps: The bitter singles and the inept couples.

The bitter singles are easy to spot. They’re the dowdy people moping around bemoaning their single status all day to anyone and everyone, seemingly expecting some sympathy or some solidarity, as if they’re somehow a persecuted minority. But there’s a reason there’s no civil rights movement for single people – you are not a minority. There are a ton of people who are single on Valentine’s Day every single year. The very idea you want to constantly express your disdain for the holiday, even when you’re coming up with ways to justify why it’s good to be single on the day, is remarkably narcissistic. To me, it looks like you’re wandering around going “SOMEBODY PLEASE LOVE ME” when in fact there is a better way to “deal” with the 14^th of February.

Just forget about it. Acknowledge the day exists but merely say to yourself “that’s not my holiday, I shall pay it no more mind”. It’s easy, and it leaves you feeling less bitter. Your reaction to the day is complete indifference. I remember one year where I did genuinely forget it was V-Day, and even when reminded I forgot again within the space of an hour. It was irrelevant to me.

If you’re seriously bothered by being single on Valentine’s Day, maybe you need to re-evaluate your life. What is so fundamentally wrong with your life that you feel everything will be magically better if you have a boy/girlfriend on a specific day? Instead of moping and ranting about the day, find something that betters you as a person, something that makes you happy. No one’s forcing you to stare longingly at the displays in Clinton’s thinking “me too!” You’re doing that to yourself. Stop that. It’s silly and it’s damaging to your mental health.

But, there is the flipside. The inept couples. These are harder to spot, because they’re very easily camouflaged in amongst the genuine couples. The inept couples are the ones that view Valentine’s Day as the most important day in their relationship, that huge, lavish displays of affection on this one day will forgive all other misgivings for the rest of the year. These are the people that look at large pink oversized bears on display and fork out the extortionate money they charge for the privilege just because they have no real imagination for what to get their loved one.

There’s nothing wrong with buying gifts for your loved one and doing stuff together on Valentine’s Day, but why does it need to be some big, extravagant thing. The bitter singles often try and justify their stance by saying “well, if you’re single I suppose you don’t have to spend loads of money on the day” but the fact is, you don’t even need to spend that much if you’re part of a couple either.

If you don’t have much money, what’s wrong with a heartfelt handmade gift and cooking a romantic meal for your partner, or even cooking something together? Even if you’re collectively rubbish at cooking, the fact it was something you did together and most likely had a lot of fun doing means more than a “romantic” dinner at Generic Fancy Restaurant #2487263 in amongst a billion other couples who had the exact same idea. An intimate night in is miles better than sitting waiting around for restaurant staff who are already overworked because of the million couples they have to deal with.

Put simply, it’s not about how much the gesture costs; it should be about the personal value of the gesture to the person on the receiving end. A poorly constructed plush toy of your partner’s favourite animal may not cost much to make, but it’ll always be of much greater value than a disposable, mass-manufactured teddy bear that cost £100.

Valentine’s Day is one of the most hyped-up days of the year, and it’s amazing how many people make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Let’s stop complaining about the cost, and definitely let’s stop complaining about the “horrors” of being single on such a day. If you’re single, forget about it. If you’re in a relationship and the only gift idea you can come up with is a bunch of cheap generic flowers from a garage forecourt, then your relationship has some serious issues that no amount of merchandise is going to paper over. It’s nice to do something, but it shouldn’t be deciding factor for your relationship.

Let’s get some sanity back.