Men Playing With Their Balls

Apparently England lost the football. All I can say is...

THANK FUCK FOR THAT!

Maybe now our over-saturated news outlets can start reporting real news for a change.

Ha! Only kidding. It'll be more "the government is shit and we're all doomed" coupled with "BINGE-DRINKING YOUTHS!". When our press shows genuine disappointment that England fans in South Africa didn't cause a single bit of violence, it tells you something. Mind you, it seems the violence has moved to Wimbledon. Yes, Wimbledon. The tennis. Really.

Regardless, I'm still happy we're out of the World Cup, because if anything annoys me every four years, it's this. OMG WORLD CUP WE GOTTA WIN THIS YEAR CUZ WE DID IN 1966 SO WE CAN DO IT AGAIN YEAH! And of course if, like me, you couldn't give a flying toss about a bunch of "millionaires ruining a lawn" [Charlie Brooker, 2010], you get labelled as "unpatriotic" while the troglodytes all go off and binge drink and punch each other in the face in the name of the UK, therefore showing the world we're all a bunch of boozed-up, mindless thugs, which of course we're not, that's just a small minority. And they call ME unpatriotic, despite the fact that I acknowledge that England gave the world The Beatles and Shakespeare, and has two of the world's greatest educational institutions in the form of Oxford and Cambridge. THAT'S something to be proud of. Having 11 blokes who are good at kicking a bit of leather about isn't. Sure, it's nice to win competitions, but can we PLEASE, in the name of all that is good and holy, stop acting like this bloody tournament is a life or death situation.

And I don't want to see first thing in the morning when I turn on the news, a bunch of people in the studio, in the players' dressing rooms, on the plane the players are returning on, wherever, analysing every single frame of the match in minute detail just to figure out where they went wrong. I've got your reason right here. The England team? A bunch of stuck-up, overpaid, whiny prima donnas who care more about who they're shagging instead of the job they're paid to. Everyone's blaming the manager, the referee, the linesman, the bloke in the crowd second row from the left with the vuvuzela, but no one is blaming the players, ie. the guys actually playing the game they lost. It's bizarre.

Of course, it's no big deal to me whether we win or lose, and I especially don't care how. All I would like is for people to calm down and shush about the whole affair. The media, and a number of ordinary people too, need to accept that not everyone cares about this bloody game and would rather not hear about it every five seconds. Especially now we've lost, so there's no reason to bang on about it now. Thank you.